Day 7

well.........today sort of sucked. i woke up at 7am and went for a run in the graveyard down the block from here. that was refreshing, and im going again tomorrow morning as well. came in, showered and went to class. 1st class was alright. now i had 2 hours to kill. good lord what can i do now? i know i need to do laundry today, but thats gonna have to wait till after supper. oh and by the way, laundry day is friday and they take us to a decent laundry mat, but if u need to do laundry other than that day we have to walk probably about half a mile down the road, yes with the big old laundry bag with all ur laundry as well.and that place ............well, lets just say im suprised the front porch hasnt fallen off. anyway, i was really bored. and what was odd is the house was sort of empty, i guess other people were in there classes, but it just seemed strangly quiet. i came upstairs to my room and decided to put on some make up. (that took up a good bit of time, takes me a while to do that. lol) i dont really remember what i did after that until noon when we had lunch. then class was at 1:00. ok, the first half of this whole thing that we are doing is getting to realize why we were drinking, what the causes were, trying to figure out what negative feelings we have and teaching us how to deal with them correctly instead of covering it all up the easy way. the instructor said its gonna be tough and hard, but it has to be done. yay. well we had this exercise (a short one) where we listed some negative thoughts that we have.....like...i hate my ex (lol! that one happens to be true!) , i hate my job, im so alone, etc. then u take just the feelings part from the statements like....i hate, i hate, im alone, etc. and those feelings that u have, thats what ur carring around with u, even if u dont realize it. well when u break these negative feelings down , u can visually see what ur carring around....makes u realize more than u thought u knew. mine turned out to be

1. i hate

2. i failed

3. i miss

4. i hate

5. i miss

6. im ashamed

7. im embarrassed

then when u look at it, im like damn....no wonder i drank. i was covering up things i didnt even realize until i thought about it and wrote it down. so, we are trying to break everything down and then build it up positively. that one was an eye opener. but im sure a needed one. now at the second class, we talked alot. (by the way there are only me and 2 others in my class. we do small classes becouse everyone is on a different level according to when they came into the house and plus small groups r better for things like this) but our homework was to write a eulogy (sort of), for yourself from the way u think the person who would have written it thinks of u. ok, more like this.....i was to write a sort of eulogy/letter to me but i was to write it from how i think billy see's me, and feels about me. and i know all eulogys are good, i mean come on, who is gonna bash a dead person in front of all the friends and family? but we were to write the good and bad. that way if we tried to see ourselves threw someone elses eyes that we think this has hurt, we may be able to realize a little bit more. so, i thought that was going to be horrible, but actually, it wasnt so hard. turns out i know his brain more than i thought! well, i could breathe a sigh of releif after i got that done. so, i just kind of hung out here and watched some tv and then ate supper. after supper, me and alisha gathered up my dirty clothes and threw them in my laundry bag, i threw the heavy thing over my shoulder and out the door we went! (oh just in case u were wondering why i just didnt wait till friday, turns out i did not bring enough clothes on this trip! or shoes! lol!) so we walk down the road and we have to cross this bridge....alisha said, i noticed people are staring at us. i said, well prob cause we look like 2 run aways with this big ole laundry bag full of clothes on my back! lol! so, we are approaching this laundry mat place......and she was right, it looked like an old abandoned building. wow, im just waiting for the porch to give out or something while im standing on it.....i mean really, if it was gonna give out, it would wait on me to step on it before it fell through. we get in there and the inside is not that bad. well it took almost 10.00 to do 3 loads of laundry! my lord! this is gonna add up quick! we walked around outside while the clothes were washing, there is a lake, stream thingy so we go out there to it. we were talking and i knew she was from africa, but i didnt know she lived there until she was 16! wow! she told me all kinds of stuff about over there that i didnt know. so cool! so, we are walking back to the house after i had put my clothes in the dryer cause i gotta pee. im carring the laundry detergent back as well. well all the sudden this bug flew down my shirt! scared me to death and i threw the detergent and screamed. i dont know where the bug went either cause i couldnt find it! lol! anyways, i went to the bathroom, and we went to pick up my dry clothes and back to the house we go. and once again.....bored. half the people in the house went to play a pool tournament, i passed on that one. me, alisha and a few others watched the movie rock and rolla, it was pretty good. then some other people had walk the line on in the game room so i watched a little of that. now im here in bed. hmmm, boring day. i hope tomorrow is better. it should be because we are having a backyard bonfire at night (if its not raining). that should be fun! talk to you guys later!