Day 37

Today is Wednesday and I just got home from the gym. The past few days I have been in a funk for some reason. Im not really sure why i have had such a sour attitude but I kind of have. I am sick with allergies and that has some to do with it becouse the ear aches, sore throasts, drainage, sneezing, drainage, and a little weezing does not really put you in the best of moods. I know some of those symptons dont really sound all like allergies, but thats how it started and I have just progressed from there. I finally got some medicine last night at Walmart. I took it this morning and now that I am home from the gym, im feeling better. I took, claritin, mucinex, aleve, and my other meds i have to take. So, Im good for now. I sure did wake up feeling bad though! Anyways, I havent written in a few days, I have felt to bad to write. but let me start out with an interesting (but gross) not. Alright. We got this new guy in named Jack. I have never seen anyone so messed up on heroin and opiotes (pain meds) and no telling what else, in my life. His father brought him in, but first tried to take him to detox here at the hospital in town. The hospital refused to take him, (which I didnt know they could do that) becouse he was taking saboxone. okay, let me take a little time out to explain two drugs to you. Saboxone, contains a substance that is similar to the opioids such as moraphine, codeine, and heroin, however it produces a less euphoric effect so it may be easier to come down off of. Then you have methadone. Methadone is a narcodic that fits in the same catagory as heroin, (or opioids). This medication is known to be safe and effective for the treatment of addiction to opioids, but now there is a growing addiction in people for methadone. When methadone is used, it is beleived to prevent moraphine and narcotics like heroin from getting to interacton receptors for painkillers that are basically natural and termed as endorphins. By ensuring that the effects caused by drugs that have an addictive nature are blocked, methodone reduces the physical craving that is normally triggered off. Both of these drugs have extreme withdrawl effects. They say sometimes it feels worse to come off saboxone or methadone than it is heroin. Some treatment centers distribute these medications to there patients but other treatment centers do not beleive in this method of treatment. Its pretty much like giving u a medication to help you ease the pain of the withdrawl symptons (heroin as an example) but then you have to detox from that medication as well with a good chance of worse withdrawl effects than you had coming off the heroin in the first place! Stupid i think. Anyways, back to my story on Jack. So, the hospital would not take him becouse he was on suboxone as well. Dont ask me why they wouldnt take him just becouse he was on saboxone. If you could see the state he is in, you would be suprised the guy is even alive. So, his father brings him here. He reakes of shit. literally. not BO, sweat, or just becouse he hasnt taken a shower. Reaks of shit. Shannon show him to his room. Where he took a shower and then got into bed. He is rooming with Sam. So, Sam is spraying the room with febreeze and lysol to take the shit smell out of the room. Sam goes into the bathroom and says he doesnt really know what all Jack did in that bathroom, becouse there was no soap, shampoo, towels, or anything in there. Sam said, i guess he just went in there and rinsed off and got in bed! Well, Jack was throwing up all threw the night. Sam helped him as much as he could. He was in bed all the next day, still throwing up. Well the next night, he starts haveing seizures, and throwing up and shitting all over himself. He shit all in his bed, all over his clean clothes (that were on the bed, yes, he was sleeping on top of them). He then slept all in it for the rest of the night. Sam got up and came downstairs to sleep, and said it was like Jack had no idea what he was doing or where he was he was so out of it. Well, by morning time, Jack finally balled up his sheets and threw them on the floor. turns out it was so bad, the sheets AND THE MATTRESS had to be thrown away! He still hasnt came downstairs at this point, he can barely stand up. The next night, Sam said that he would jump up in the middle of the night hollering, "Where is the bottom deck? And where is the captain?! Our ship is under attack!" Crazy huh? and then when Sam woke in the morning, he said that Jack was asleep in the middle of the hallway. Later that day, I saw him trying to walk to the bathroom. I go to my room for a minute and come back out to go downstairs and Jack has just took a seat on the floor in the hallway. Now, the hallways are really narrow, so, he is blocking the entire width of the hallway. I walk up to him and ask if he was ok, and his response was,"yeah...., you know,...just hangin out" I asked if he needed anything and he said no so I stepped over him and went on downstairs. Yesterday he finally came downstairs for a bit and ate a little something....but he is still in so much pain. He walks around with this look of agony on his face. Poor thing! I couldnt even imagine! Maybe he will be a little better today. We will see! We lost 2 guys last night. Christian and Chris B. Not the Chris im in a class with, that is Chris H. Christian tested positive for opioids. I really hated to see him go becouse he was so funny and I think he almost had completed the program. Now Chris B. ......he was prescribed oxycotton by the doctor for some reason, an injury I think. Well He got his prescription fill like almost 2 weeks ago, and they counted his pills and he was 38 short. So he had either taken 38 to many or had been selling some, i dont know. He was kicked out. What is sad is that this SAturday would have been his last day here. Sad right? But hey, like they say, its all about choice. They both chose to do that. The pills did not just jump down their throat. You make a negative decision, you will have negative consiquences. That was our drama for last night. I wonder if there will be any drama today....

We went to Walmart last night, and I stocked up on medication yesterday, but I forgot to buy more mucinex, i have one more pill but I need to walk down the gas station today and buy some more. But man, its so expensive to begin with, its even more crazy at this gas station! But i really need it so Ill go get some in a bit. Our outing for this evening is to go to the YMCA. Im probably gonna go, the girls wanna swim, but im not so sure if i wanna swim.....I dont know, we will see.

Oh! I found out that there are websites that can turn my blogs into a book! So, when I am done im gonna get this made into a hardback book. I think it will be really neat! Im gonna go in and fix spelling and punctuation and all before i get it printed, and maybe add a few little things here and there too. But, anyways, I wanted to share that with you!

Im so ready to go home. I will have to say, it has been an adventure here. And a good experience as well. I have met so many people from so many different places across the US. I have seen lots of sites around this area, and tried things that I normally would have just said no to back at home. Some things (like the mountain hike) that I never thought id ever get to do! This experience has been nothing under amazing, and I say that not just becouse of the people ive met and the places ive gone and the people ive met, its the learning experience that i have had. i have totally turned my negative thoughts into possitive ones. i feel i have totally changed my life into something i have always wanted but never thought id get or even come close to even knowing how to acheive this level of happiness. It feels great to actually be me again. Not haveing to depend on alcohol to create happiness for me, and to make me feel good. I dont depend on it anymore to stop the shaking, or the headaches becouse all that is gone. Ive learned so much here. I feel so happy and ready to live life, and do things, and enjoy every moment. Im ready to start over. I wish i could explain the way this makes me feel, like as in comparrison to........actually....like your really excited and your jumping up and down with your hands in the air hollering yaaaay! I know thats silly but thats what it feels like. Well, Im going to go start my day. (starting with homework) lol! ttyl!